I Get So Fucking Angry Every Day

I don’t wake up mad. That’s something. That’s a blessing. 

But I start to get mad soon after I awake. I check the news, and I begin getting angry. It’s manageable, though. I mean, as manageable as anything is these days – my head hurts a lot and my neck has been killing me. That neck pain, that’s the thing that lets me know how mad I was the night before. 

As the day goes on I find that anger laps at me like waves on a beach. Sometimes the anger will reach up, right up to my head and my face will get flush and I’ll mutter something like, “This motherfucker” or “Jesus fucking Christ.” But usually that anger breaks, again like a wave, and I’ll laugh at myself. 

Continue reading “I Get So Fucking Angry Every Day”

What THE EXORCIST Taught Me About The Trump Administration

I don’t believe in Hell anymore.

Supposedly I didn’t believe in it for decades; I’ve been an atheist and an agnostic since I was a teenager, so you’d think there would be no room for Hell in that worldview. But when you’re raised Catholic – even as lightly Catholic as I was – Hell and Satan are overwhelming concepts that become the cornerstones of your cosmology. It wasn’t that I intellectually believed in Hell but rather that I had an emotional fear about what might happen after I die. 

Continue reading “What THE EXORCIST Taught Me About The Trump Administration”

Donald’s Dharma: Trump as Cautionary Tale

Donald Trump is my greatest teacher.

I look at how this man acts, how he reacts, how he gets in his own way, how he fucks himself up at every step, and I learn how to not be. This is such an incredibly valuable learning tool.

Looking at Trump I recognize some of the character traits – the insecurity that manifests as ego and anger, the inability to rein in momentary emotions, an inflated sense of self – and I see how ugly they are. But more than that I truly see how they don‘t work. When you’re inside those mindstates you believe that your actions – as crazy and awful as they are – are the only actions that are reasonable in the moment. You’re out of your goddamned mind. But from the outside it’s quite clear how self-destructive all of this is. And how PATHETIC it is.

What’s more, Donald Trump proves that you can get everything – become the most powerful and famous person alive! – and still be completely unfulfilled, still be roiling with resentments and self doubts and anger and hatred. Success doesn’t make you whole. 

So thank you, Donald Trump, for being a great teacher and showing me the unskillful ways of living. For showing me the ways to not be. For showing me how all of these negative traits don’t work, and that whatever victories they bring you they also poison so you can’t even enjoy them.

I usually hate “Resistance” slacktivism (“RT this if you think Trump should be impeached right now!” or half-researched image macros) but in this case I think a little capitalist slactivism couldn’t hurt. Go to Amazon and buy FIRE AND FURY. It’s 14.99 on Kindle. Let’s get this book up to the top of the charts.