The Least Wonderful Time Of The Year

This is a tough time of year for a lot of people. Maybe you’re having a tough time this week and you’re thinking about irrevocable decisions you could make to end the suffering.

I’m not going to tell you it’s going to get better. That’s the kind of bullshit people tell you and then you feel betrayed by it. It doesn’t always get better. Sometimes it gets worse. If we’re all being honest with ourselves we have to accept and acknowledge that.

What I will tell you, and what I can guarantee is true, is that you won’t always feel this way.

You may be suffering very badly right now, and it may seem like all you will ever know is suffering. I can promise you that isn’t the case. I can NOT promise you that your situation will change, your life will improve, that he will return your love, that you’ll get that job, that your health will pick up, that people will treat you better. I CAN promise you that the way you feel about those things today will, eventually, change.

How do I know that? Well, change is the only constant in the universe. Nothing lasts and nothing endures. The mightiest mountains today are being constantly worn down; the change might not happen at a rate that you notice, but everything changes.

More than that: I’ve been there. Recently. In October I was very suicidal, and I had a lot of logical support for my desire to self-annihilate. For one thing, I’m not absolutely against suicide; I think it’s a rational choice in some scenarios. But for another I very logically, in that moment, understood that my life was over and that I would never be happy again. I had a lot of evidence to back this up. I could have come into a court of law and really argued my case.

But get this: things did change. Did they get better? The stuff that was upsetting me certainly didn’t, and may never, ever improve. But the way I dealt with it did change, and what was unbearable on Sunday was, on Friday, a pain I could manage. Now, almost three months later, it’s a pain I live with. A lot of that has to do with the amazing people in my life, a lot of it has to do with the path of recovery I’ve taken, but a whole lot of it has to do with the very nature of being an ever-changing human being.

My situation didn’t change. I did.

You will too. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a week, but I guarantee that in time you will not feel the way you do today. You will not want to disappear, to go away, to never have been born. You will look back and have a hard time understanding how you ever felt that way in the first place.

Again, I’m not promising it’ll get better. That’s self-help bullshit. I’m telling you that the way you feel today isn’t the way you will feel forever, so don’t make any irrevocable decisions based on a fleeting feeling. You wouldn’t get a face tattoo under these same circumstances, so why would you do something just as drastic and much more final in this situation?

Day turns to night turns to day. Winter turns into summer turns into winter. These are the changes and cycles we see in the world around us, and they exist in the world inside of us. You’ll be happy again. And then you’ll be sad again. And you’ll be happy again. And so on and so forth. The wheel turns, and all you need to do is hold on until it has turned past this part that you hate.

If you’re having a hard time and you have my number, feel free to reach out. I’m always up to talk to people, so don’t feel like you’re interrupting me or putting me out. If you don’t have my number, feel free to reach out here on Facebook or via email.

Happy holidays, and don’t do anything stupider than usual.